Dear Diary: Tales From Call Center Hell (27 June 2004)
27 June 2004
Tales From Call Center Hell
A bewildered elderly man called in from a payphone demanding to be connected to his brother Anthony, but he didn’t know the number. Offering to transfer him to a DA Op he insisted on billing it to his home phone number. However, it wasn’t an existing phone number. After correcting his area code it turned out that the number was blocked against billing anyway. The rest of our two minute conversation (we take 2 to 3 calls in a minute) went this way:
Elderly Man: “I’ve had this phone for years and years, why can’t you bill it?”
Me: “I do apologize, but it has a restriction. Do you have another number to bill?”
EM: “Yes!” *proceeds to recite the same number*
Me: *sternly* “Sir, you’re giving me the same number. Do you have another number to bill? ASIDE FROM WHAT YOU’VE GIVEN ME?”
EM: “Whaddaya mean? I’ve had that phone for years and years!”
Me: “I do apologize, sir -”
EM: “Anthony! Anthony!” *he whimpers*
Me: “Sir, I’m not Anthony yet, but I can get you directory assistance to find his number!”
EM: “Can’t you just connect me to Anthony?”
Me: *now completely exasperated* “Sure! Do you KNOW his number???”
EM: “No, I don’t.”
Me: “EXACTLY! Now, let’s get you directory assistance to find the number!”
EM: “Whatever it takes to get Anthony.”
Me: *relieved* “OK, can I have a number to bill?”
EM: “OK.” *recites the exact same number*
Me: “Sir! We’ve already tried that number! IT’S BLOCKED, SIR! IT’S BLOCKED!”
EM: “Whaddaya mean? I’ve had that phone for years and years!”
***
This young guy wants to call his grandparents collect. After screening the number it turns out that it has a collect call block. I explained that it won’t be able to accept charges and offered him his other options.
Young guy says in a surfer dude voice: “Could you, like, bill it to my grandparent’s number so that it wouldn’t be, like, collect, but as if it’s them that’s calling me?”
I go: “But that IS collect and this number has a restriction against collect.”
Young guy: “No, not collect! I mean, like, you call them for me and they’ll pay for the call.”
I go: “Sir, it’s not possible at all to bill that number, because of the restriction.”
Young guy: “But that’s not, like, collect, because they’re going to pay for the call.”
I go: “I’m sorry sir, we cannot call and bill this phone number at the same time.”
Young guy: “Wow, really? But why? They’re gonna pay for it! I mean, there’s no way to do that?”
I go, in my best Vincent Price voice: “NO, SIR.”
Young guy: “But that’s not a collect call!?”
I go: “It IS collect.”
Young guy: “Oh, no that’s not collect and I totally understand collect calls!”
I wanted to say: No, you don’t.
MoéGrrL 